Upping Your Percentages on Birthday Party RSVPs

I recently heard a heart-breaking story about a woman who invited 20+ kids to her son's 4th birthday party and got RSVPs from exactly 3 people. The other parents simply never bothered to respond. A recent transplant to Colorado, this woman asked another parent if this was typical and the other mom replied, "Oh, we don't do RSVPs in Colorado."

First of all, I must defend my home state. I have lived in Colorado for 13 years and have thrown over 20 birthday parties and this simply has not been my experience. I always RSVP and with few exceptions, so has everyone that I have ever invited to a party. The occasional lapse is inevitably accompanied by some plausible reason and has always been very forgivable.

But I do hear more and more about these no-RSVP situations. What is going on and how can the party-throwing parent up his/her chances of a response?

The truth? I have no idea what is going on. Good manners are good manners and there is really no excuse for this. Yes, people are busy. So what. The world does not revolve around you. Get over yourself and pick up that phone!

OK--I'm back and off my soapbox. And, I do have a few ideas on increasing your chances of getting RVSPs in a timely manner.

1. Give people notice about the party but not too much. If it's more than 2 weeks out, people tend to mentally file the RSVP in the "I'll handle this later" category and put it off and forget it. I like to shoot for getting the invitation to people about 10-14 days in advance of the party.
2. Set a clear date for RSVPs and, if possible, provide a compelling reason why you really must know. (Shameless plug time: for example, add something like "I will be ordering the beaded necklace kits from Bijoux in a Box --found at www.bijouxinabox.com --on Dec. 3rd and need to know if to order a kit for your daughter)
3. Give people multiple ways to respond to you. Include your phone number and your email on the invitation. Some people are phone people and some people are email people. Accomodate both and you improve your chances.
4. If you don't feel strongly about the properness of paper invitations and are inviting people who check email with some regularity, consider inviting people by email, either with your own digital invitation or through the use of a service such as evite.com. The advantage of a evite-like service is that they automatically follow-up with people who have not responded a few days before the party and also send reminders to those who have RSVPed "yes". It's free too.
5. If all else fails, swallow your pride and call people who haven't responded two days prior to the party. Yes, I know. You shouldn't have to do this. You really shouldn't. But do it anyway. You'll sleep better.

Heading off Post Birthday Party Let-Downs

As even the casual viewer of "Bridezilla" knows, big events have a way of bringing out the worst in people. Especially when those people are children who haven't yet developed a sense of proportion about, well, pretty much anything. Their birthday party looms large in their little world. It is a source of power ("I'm uninviting you to my birthday party"), the day when they rule the world, the day that all the attention and focus is on them. Seductive, n'est pas?

So, when the party is over and the big day is ending, it's pretty natural to expect some kick-back in terms of mood. So what can you do to prepare them and you for the inevitable?

Here are a few tips:

1. If your kid is an introvert, he/she probably needs some immediate downtime to recover from hours of intensive extroversion. Have a new or favorite DVD ready to go, make some hot cocoa. Or for more active kids, plan to go for a swim or a bike ride. Look for an activity that will help them center themselves and relax.


2. For kids who can't get enough, the end of the party signals the end of the fun. In this case, think about having a close friend stay after the party to play for a while longer or sleep over (if you can stand it). This can help ease the transition from a full house to the monotony of boring old Mom, Dad and siblings.


3. Save a few presents from the party or save a family present that you know your kid will be excited about to open after the party. If it's something that can immediately engage him or her, all the better.


4. Expect some let-down and normalize it for them. If they are feeling sad or grumpy, reassure them know that this is all part of the party experience and that they will feel better soon.

One more thing--don't forget to take care of yourself. Let the mess sit for an hour or two and go have a glass of wine and put your feet up.

Check out our website: http://www.bijouxinabox.com/

What do Teachers Really Want for the Holidays?

Full disclosure: I am the daughter of a former elementary school teacher and spent many happy hours going through my mother's big box of holiday gifts from her students, smelling the Jean Nate spray lotion, trying on the scarfs, wondering why people would every use handkerchiefs--especially scratchy embroidered ones-- when tissues seemed so much less gross. That box grew fuller every year as more unused gifts were deposited, awaiting re-gifting opportunities or the local Goodwill drive.

So, let's just say I know a fair amount about what teachers don't really want. But what do they want? I did a little research on this topic by reading several articles, blog entries and teacher comments on this topic. If your school's policy allows teacher gifts, you might be interested in my findings. Keep in mind, these are generalizations but they did ring true for me, both as a child of a teacher and as a giver of many teacher gifts over the years:

1. They love gifts that demonstrates that the child put some thought and effort into the gift. Handmade gifts accompanied by a hand-written heart-felt card were mentioned by many as favorites. (Shameless plug time (SPT): my company, http://wwww.bijouxinabox.com/, has beaded jewelry and crafts projects that enable home-made/handmade efforts, and are very beautiful and affordable to boot).
2. They also like gift cards that allow them to select their own gifts.
3. They appreciate gifts that enable them to do a better job in the classroom such as books for the classroom or a gift card to a store that sells school supplies.

Being a teacher is hard work and, like all of us, teachers appreciate being acknowledged and thanked in a personal way. If your school discourages gifts, a card or note where you share your observations on the ways that the teacher has helped or encouraged your child is really meaningful. Oh yeah. Christmas cookies are good too.

Visit us at www.bijouxinabox.com

Birthday Parties as Social Microcosms

A friend asked me the other day what I'm blogging on. I said that I blogging about parties--but not the real nuts and bolts. There are other fantastic blogs that are already doing that--see who I am following for some ideas. I told her I'm really blogging about the little social subtleties of parties--the stuff that people worry about but don't usually talk about. I caught a skeptical look on her face.

I understand the skepticism. With all the "real" stuff to worry about in the world, why sweat the little stuff. In theory I agree. But, in reality, our lives are made up of the little stuff. And the more we can navigate the little stuff with grace and ease, the happier and less stressful our lives become.

So, back to parties. Thinking about our kids, their birthday parties are one of the top events of the year in their lives. And, as anyone who has tuned into an episode of Bridezilla can attest, big events tend to bring out the best and worst in people. Why not use parties--birthday, anniversary, holiday, whatever--as an opportunity to teach our kids (and ourselves) a thing or two about how to be in the world. Being a gracious host or hostess, making others feel valued and welcomed, handling feelings of disappointment, dealing with real or perceived social slights, expressing gratitude and joy--all of these are skills that have real value and make a difference in the quality of our lives.

Visit us at www.bijouxinabox.com

Let's Keep the Competition out of Birthday Party Activities

Have you noticed that a competitive element has crept into birthday parties? I'm not talking about the parents competing on who can throw the best party; I'm talking about the actual birthday party activities themselves.

For example, one of my girls attended a party that featured a dance contest where prizes were handed out for the best dancers. She didn't get one. Do you think she has fond memories of that party? She does not. Or how about the kid who doesn't "medal" in any event at the Olympics themed party while his or her more athletic peers sport a chest-full of the shiny plastic beauties.

I kept this in mind when we did a dance party for my younger daughter a few years ago. While an element of competition is definitely fun, it was infinitely more important to me that everyone walk away feeling good. So, ahead of time, my husband and I made award certificates for each party attendee and gave each one different "Best" label. So, one person was the Craziest Dancer, another was the Wiggliest Dancer, etc. etc. .Then, more of less randomly, we ceremoniously handed them out at the end of the dancing. It was fascinating to see how eagerly the girls waited to hear what "award" they got. Several girls immediately showed their certificates to their parents as soon as they arrived to pick them up with great pride.

Let's face it. We all want to be told we're the best at something. Birthday parties are a time to celebrate and suspend acknowledging life's harsh realities. There's plenty of opportunity for our kids to experience being "winners" and "losers" as they proceed through life. For these two magical hours, let's just have fun.

We're Live! Check us out at www.bijouxinabox.com

We're up and running! Come check out our great projects at www.bijouxinabox.com and enter WD when you check out for a 15% Welcome Discount.

How Many Birthday Party Attendees is the "Right" Number

Like so many things in life, the honest answer to this one is "it depends". I know. So deeply unsatisfying.

There's the "invite the same number of kids as your kid's age". Then there's the "if you are inviting some kids in the class, invite everyone so no one feels left out" rule. Hmmm. Are you noticing that these rules contradict each other?

I'm not big on rules anyway but if I have a rule, it's this: know your kid and know yourself. Basically, you have two huge variables to consider. What can your kid handle and what can you handle? If you both happen to be extroverts whose motto is "the more the merrier", then I say go for it. Invite everyone and let the wild rumpus begin.

If one or both of you actually prefers a more intimate affair, let that dictate your number of invitees. Some kids love inviting 1 or 2 close friends and having a special experience that is relaxed and low key.

So, forget the "rules". Focus on what will bring your child and you the most happiness and do that.

The world's easiest way to handle birthday party gift thank-you's

The party's over, the house is a mess, and all you want to do is kick back with a glass of wine and call it a success. Ah, but there is still that little matter of the thank-you cards lurking as one last pesky to-do.

Are thank-you notes for birthday party presents really necessary? OK, here's the bad news. Yes. They are still necessary. First of all, you want to model good behavior for your kids that when someone does something nice for us, we thank them. Second, the other moms will notice. Third, kids love to get stuff in the mail and your attendees really want to believe that they picked out a great present for their friend. It makes them feel good and positively reinforces them for being thoughtful. Don't we want other people to do that for our kids?

Here's the good news though. I have perfected the easiest way in the world to get them done. Before the party, buy a pack of the preformatted cards (you know the ones where all you have to do is fill in the gift-giver's name, gift and your child's name) or better still, make some yourself on the computer using a template that you like.

Buy or print out enough for every attendee. Then, as your child is opening presents, instead of making a list of who brought what, fill in the child's name and gift on their respective thank-you cards. After the party is over, have your child sign each card, adding a personal note if they are old enough and so inclined. You're done. Go have that glass of wine, guilt-free.

6 Tips for Declining Birthday Party Invitations with Sensitivity and Tact

I have two kids that might as well be from different planets in terms of their social styles. One of my daughters has never met a social occasion she doesn’t like. From the time she was a toddler, my husband and I predicted that she would close a lot of bars in her day.

Our other daughter, though, is what you might call socially selective. While she is blessed with many friends, she can be a little on the picky side about who she wants to play with and even what activity she wants to do on a given day. A natural introvert who often needs down time, she also has a variable tolerance for social situations. So, with that as backdrop, we have had a lot of practice in politely declining birthday party invitations—particularly in the early elementary years when parties included everyone in the class.

When she was younger, we would do the declining for her, usually citing a previous commitment. But as she has gotten older, we’ve tried to school her in the nuances of how one declines an invitation without burning bridges. In other words, we want her to be able to honor her own rhythms and social preferences without hurting another kid’s feelings. Here are some tips that we’ve passed along to her.

1. Try to focus on the person, not the event. You were invited because this person likes you and accepting the invitation is a nice way to strengthen that connection.
2. If you know for sure that you don’t want to attend a party, you may play the “previous commitment” card. However, once you have played that card, you may not change your mind at the last minute and seek re-invitation.
3. If you are not sure if you want to attend, you may delay responding for a while but you must make up your mind at least 4 days (or whenever the RSVP date is) before the party so the host can plan for food, goody bags etc.
4. Waiting to see if a better invitation comes along is completely unacceptable in all circumstances.
5. Once an invitation has been accepted, the only legitimate excuse for a last minute cancellation is illness. But, to be very honest, extreme grumpy mood is sometimes considered an illness in our family—after all, why inflict your crabby kid on others and potentially ruin their good time? However, if an invitation is declined at the last minute, the decliner does not get to replace the party with another fun activity. If you’re too tired/sick/crabby to attend the party, it’s probably best to stay home.
6. Try to make amends. When an invitation must be declined, particularly at the last minute due to illness or other unforeseen circumstances, we often invite the birthday child over for an informal little party or a special activity.
   

I know, I know. In the grand scheme of things, knowing how to decline a kid's birthday party invitation is not a big deal. But it never hurts to try to develop those social graces early on…

Why I Started Bijoux in a Box

The idea for Bijoux in a Box, like many business ideas, came out of a personal experience. A few years ago, my friend Jill and I spent a "girls weekend" at the YMCA of the Rockies, a fabulously beautiful facility in Estes Park, Colorado (home of Rocky Mountain National Park). One of the best things about the Y of the Rockies is its ginormous craft center which offers all kinds of fun art projects from silk scarf painting to mosaics. But the absolute best thing about the craft center is the jewelry making section which conservatively takes up a space the size of soccer field and has more bead variety than 10 beads stores put together. (I know, now you're just dying to go yourself)

It just so happened that both of my daughters were about to have birthday parties so I justified my desire to spend the entire day there by making hand-crafted necklaces as party favors for all 23 attendees. Then I went back the next day in a more honest and self-centered frame of mind and made myself 8 pairs of earrings and a few necklaces. Oh, yeah, and a bracelet or two.

That was it. I was hooked. I loved the chance to play with color, size, finish, and a hundred other subtle variables to create my mini-masterpieces. It was purely creative yet it was something that I, who have, shall we say, a good eye but limited manual dexterity could do and still create something beautiful. (OK, it helped that the craft center had an employee who was there to do the clasps and windy-wire earring thingies).

I also loved the fact that it was both creative and social--my two favorite things put together. We had many luxurious hours to get thoroughly caught up on each other's lives while we beaded, pausing briefly to ask each other's opinions on materials and composition and modeling our finished pieces.

So as I reluctantly dragged myself away to enjoy the other splendors of Estes Park (there's that Rocky Mountain thing, for example), my thoughts went to the many other people I know who would have loved the experience. I asked myself how I could replicate this experience for people. A few business model experiments later, I came up with the idea for Bijoux in a Box.

In the process, I talked with hundreds of people about what they liked and didn't like about the current jewelry making options that were out there. What I found is that many people found bead stores overwhelming and expensive. A typical bad bead store story was of someone who spent an hour and half at the store, spent $85 on a handful of beads, and then went home and realized they didn't work together very well. The other common story from beading newbies was about the difficulty of learning how to put on clasps which invariably looked amateurish or broke quickly. I could relate. My first few clasps were pretty awful looking too.

On the other hand, there were those people who went to a big box craft store and bought necklace or bracelet kits in the jewelry department. They got home, emptied out their little package, strung together the beads in the kit and 10 minutes later, wondered in the immortal words of Peggy Lee, "is that all there is?" Where's the creativity? Where is the sense of making design choices to create a truly individual piece? If a dozen people bought the kit, their end products, save for minor variation in the order of the beads, would all look pretty much the same. And, with no offense intended to the jewelry kit creators, let's just say that the quality of materials in middle-of-the-road at best.

So, in developing Bijoux in a Box, my guiding words were: creativity, quality, and simplicity. I wanted projects that would result in something people would actually want to wear (alas, much of the craft store kits don't meet that particular criteria for me), offered enough variety in materials to allow people to have the fun creative struggle that is beading, and didn't require any previous knowledge of jewelry-making techniques or any special tools. (OK, you do need the odd set of pliers here and there to close a jump ring but I don't consider those to be special tools).

The result of all this noodling around is Bijoux in a Box. The fact that our kits make four projects (except for the wine bottle stoppers which only make two) enables us to load up the kits with a wide variety of quality materials that are sourced from around the world. None of our projects require anything more complicated than tying a knot or squeezing a jump ring together with some pliers. So, virtually anyone can successfully complete our projects,even and especially children who, in general, love making jewelry. And finally, we wanted our projects to be so affordable that there is no reason not to buy them. Our kits run from $16 to $38, making the cost of each individual project between $4 and $9.50 making them a fantastic value.

So there you have it. The story of Bijoux in a Box.

Welcome to Bijoux in a Box's Blog

I am happy to announce the Bijoux in a Box (http://www.bijouxinabox.com/) is finally up and running! (BTW, for those of you who didn’t take French in high school, “bijoux” means “jewels” in French.)

Bijoux in a Box offers dozens of different DIY jewelry and crafts projects at extremely reasonable prices. Projects include earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and much more. The designs and materials are appealing to adults but the projects are simple enough to make great birthday party activities and party favors. Many projects can be customized with different materials for age and party themes. So, adult women won’t end up with a bracelet filled with purple sparkly beads, for example. Not that there’s anything wrong with that if that’s what you’re into.

To celebrate our "grand opening", we are offering a 15% off Welcome discount until 12/31/09. Just enter Code WD in the shopping cart when you check out and your discount will be automatically deducted.