Upping Your Percentages on Birthday Party RSVPs

I recently heard a heart-breaking story about a woman who invited 20+ kids to her son's 4th birthday party and got RSVPs from exactly 3 people. The other parents simply never bothered to respond. A recent transplant to Colorado, this woman asked another parent if this was typical and the other mom replied, "Oh, we don't do RSVPs in Colorado."

First of all, I must defend my home state. I have lived in Colorado for 13 years and have thrown over 20 birthday parties and this simply has not been my experience. I always RSVP and with few exceptions, so has everyone that I have ever invited to a party. The occasional lapse is inevitably accompanied by some plausible reason and has always been very forgivable.

But I do hear more and more about these no-RSVP situations. What is going on and how can the party-throwing parent up his/her chances of a response?

The truth? I have no idea what is going on. Good manners are good manners and there is really no excuse for this. Yes, people are busy. So what. The world does not revolve around you. Get over yourself and pick up that phone!

OK--I'm back and off my soapbox. And, I do have a few ideas on increasing your chances of getting RVSPs in a timely manner.

1. Give people notice about the party but not too much. If it's more than 2 weeks out, people tend to mentally file the RSVP in the "I'll handle this later" category and put it off and forget it. I like to shoot for getting the invitation to people about 10-14 days in advance of the party.
2. Set a clear date for RSVPs and, if possible, provide a compelling reason why you really must know. (Shameless plug time: for example, add something like "I will be ordering the beaded necklace kits from Bijoux in a Box --found at www.bijouxinabox.com --on Dec. 3rd and need to know if to order a kit for your daughter)
3. Give people multiple ways to respond to you. Include your phone number and your email on the invitation. Some people are phone people and some people are email people. Accomodate both and you improve your chances.
4. If you don't feel strongly about the properness of paper invitations and are inviting people who check email with some regularity, consider inviting people by email, either with your own digital invitation or through the use of a service such as evite.com. The advantage of a evite-like service is that they automatically follow-up with people who have not responded a few days before the party and also send reminders to those who have RSVPed "yes". It's free too.
5. If all else fails, swallow your pride and call people who haven't responded two days prior to the party. Yes, I know. You shouldn't have to do this. You really shouldn't. But do it anyway. You'll sleep better.

Heading off Post Birthday Party Let-Downs

As even the casual viewer of "Bridezilla" knows, big events have a way of bringing out the worst in people. Especially when those people are children who haven't yet developed a sense of proportion about, well, pretty much anything. Their birthday party looms large in their little world. It is a source of power ("I'm uninviting you to my birthday party"), the day when they rule the world, the day that all the attention and focus is on them. Seductive, n'est pas?

So, when the party is over and the big day is ending, it's pretty natural to expect some kick-back in terms of mood. So what can you do to prepare them and you for the inevitable?

Here are a few tips:

1. If your kid is an introvert, he/she probably needs some immediate downtime to recover from hours of intensive extroversion. Have a new or favorite DVD ready to go, make some hot cocoa. Or for more active kids, plan to go for a swim or a bike ride. Look for an activity that will help them center themselves and relax.


2. For kids who can't get enough, the end of the party signals the end of the fun. In this case, think about having a close friend stay after the party to play for a while longer or sleep over (if you can stand it). This can help ease the transition from a full house to the monotony of boring old Mom, Dad and siblings.


3. Save a few presents from the party or save a family present that you know your kid will be excited about to open after the party. If it's something that can immediately engage him or her, all the better.


4. Expect some let-down and normalize it for them. If they are feeling sad or grumpy, reassure them know that this is all part of the party experience and that they will feel better soon.

One more thing--don't forget to take care of yourself. Let the mess sit for an hour or two and go have a glass of wine and put your feet up.

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What do Teachers Really Want for the Holidays?

Full disclosure: I am the daughter of a former elementary school teacher and spent many happy hours going through my mother's big box of holiday gifts from her students, smelling the Jean Nate spray lotion, trying on the scarfs, wondering why people would every use handkerchiefs--especially scratchy embroidered ones-- when tissues seemed so much less gross. That box grew fuller every year as more unused gifts were deposited, awaiting re-gifting opportunities or the local Goodwill drive.

So, let's just say I know a fair amount about what teachers don't really want. But what do they want? I did a little research on this topic by reading several articles, blog entries and teacher comments on this topic. If your school's policy allows teacher gifts, you might be interested in my findings. Keep in mind, these are generalizations but they did ring true for me, both as a child of a teacher and as a giver of many teacher gifts over the years:

1. They love gifts that demonstrates that the child put some thought and effort into the gift. Handmade gifts accompanied by a hand-written heart-felt card were mentioned by many as favorites. (Shameless plug time (SPT): my company, http://wwww.bijouxinabox.com/, has beaded jewelry and crafts projects that enable home-made/handmade efforts, and are very beautiful and affordable to boot).
2. They also like gift cards that allow them to select their own gifts.
3. They appreciate gifts that enable them to do a better job in the classroom such as books for the classroom or a gift card to a store that sells school supplies.

Being a teacher is hard work and, like all of us, teachers appreciate being acknowledged and thanked in a personal way. If your school discourages gifts, a card or note where you share your observations on the ways that the teacher has helped or encouraged your child is really meaningful. Oh yeah. Christmas cookies are good too.

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